Woman decides she is no longer interested in getting married to boyfriend of 10 years, he takes it as a personal strike against him, despite never even proposing

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jan 20, 2025 9:00 PM EST

Each one of us can think of at least one couple who should have broken up long ago, but for reason are still together, probably because they are too scared to take that leap and make a change. Finding love is hard, no one can argue with that. But remaining in a loveless relationship is probably much harder, and not worth it.

So how can a couple avoid falling into this pit of a relationship with nowhere to go? 

The most important is to make sure you have the same expectations in life. The most talked about example of that is the idea of having kids – If one of you doesn't want kids, and the other does, you are probably not right for each other. There is no point in dragging a relationship for years if you do not want the same thing from it. This should be simple – talk about the big relationship stuff right off the bat, and determine whether you share those wants and needs. 

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  • But it is not simple, because we still hear of people who get stuck with partners for years, despite them wanting completely different things. 

    Just like the woman in the story below, who after 10 years of waiting for her boyfriend to purpose, has realized important things about her relationship. Keep reading to find out what it was, and how her boyfriend took it.

  • 01
    "He's starting to lash out and get suspicious"
    via Contimis
  • 02

    "I (33f) Told My Boyfriend (33m) That I'm No Longer Interested In Marriage"

    I (33f) met have been in a 10 year relationship with my boyfriend "Carl" (33m). After the first year of our relationship I made it very clear that I intended to be a
    via DeviceKnown4500
  • 03
    wife someday. By the time I was 28 I started to remind him of my goals and expectations and Carl told me that while he knew he wanted to marry me he just
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    wasn't ready yet and didn't like how I was pressuring him and called me controlling. Eventually we broke up but six months later we got back together and even moved in.
    via DeviceKnown4500
  • 05
    Looking back on it now, I realize that that wasn't the best decision but I was so emotionally attached to this man and felt so invested that I was willing to go back
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    to him. Carl and I have now been living together for four years and while I stopped being happy about it after the first six months, living with him isn't a bad experience. Plus I always
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    thought that us getting married was just around the corner, because he said he was ready to commit to me but he wanted to wait for the right time because I
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    deserved a "perfect proposal" and a more stable husband. I've been going to therapy for the past two years and recently had an epiphany.
    via DeviceKnown4500
  • 09
    Since childhood I have always wanted a wedding but never really gave much thought to being a married woman 24/7 and what that would mean. Given my country's shift in politics
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    and new laws that politicians are trying to pass, I realized that not only am I fine with never getting married but I'm starting to lean more into no longer possessing the desire to do it.
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    Since then it feels like I've been set free in a way and started focusing on myself. One of the major things that I've done is tell Carl that I'll no longer assist with babysitting his nephews
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    and niece and instead focus more of my time into getting certified in something to increase my earning potential and just relaxing. Carl seemed
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    nonchalant about it at first but then said that we needed to have a sit down when I sent Carl's mom and his brother a text that they had three weeks before I stopped helping out completely.
    via DeviceKnown4500
  • 14
    Carl said that while he understands my desire for more personal time, it's important to be there and sacrifice for family. I told him that he could switch around his own work
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    schedule and help with the kids since they're technically his family, and he said that the children love me and that one day they'd be my family too once we were man and wife.
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    It was in that moment that I told him that I no longer desired marriage and while I gave my reasons Carl still took it as me wanting to break up with him and/or thinking that he would
    via DeviceKnown4500
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    make a terrible husband. That is not the case at all but he's starting to lash out and get suspicious and I just don't know what to do. How can I get my boyfriend to see that it's me not him?
    via DeviceKnown4500
  • 18
    TL;DR: I realized that I no longer want to get married and my boyfriend of 10 years is taking it as a personal strike against him.
    via DeviceKnown4500
  • 19
    myfourmoons NTA. So he can unilaterally decide when you need to act like a wife and when he doesn't need to act like a husband? Nah, bro overplayed his hand and now he needs to deal with the consequences.
    via myfourmoons
  • 20
    Snoo_61002 NTA, but are you sure you want to be with him? It kind of sounds like, for a long time, you've both needed to go your own way but are too scared of life without each other.
    via Snoo_61002
  • 21
    Angel-4077 Your mistake is thinking its your responsibility to 'help' him adjust. You are not his Mom or wife. Let him be suspicious and do not accept 'lashing out' of any kind.
    via Angel-4077
  • 22
    ZookeepergameWise 774 NTA. You just took away his leverage! How DARE you! How else is he supposed to keep you in check, if he can't hold a (distant) hope of marriage over your head. He thinks that "it's important to be there and
    via ZookeepergameWise
  • 23
    sacrifice for family ", but why are YOU the one to sacrifice - after all, they're HIS niblings, not yours. I think that this new (and powerful) attitude of yours is shaking up the power balance in your relationship and your BF is trying to steer back to where you were.
    via ZookeepergameWise
  • 24
    MissDoug You are my hero. NTA. The relationship has changed and you want to rebuild it but NOT in the image that it once was. Good for you for
    via MissDoug
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    informing the family you don't belong to, to find solutions to their child care needs. Stick to that. You're a different person now. You need a different style of relationship.
    via MissDoug

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